Sandmans omnipresence in defence of classics
 

I read several forums which are frequented by a certain GFS. I normally read through them fairly quickly and usually only come to a screeching halt when I pick up on a certain cadence and wit from The sandman. Usually where someone is explaing how you cannot catch any decent fish unless you have a Yellowfin, 2 radars, a 500 gallon livewell and at the very least a custom rod with. Van staal or Stella reel on it. Then Boom GFS show up and asks them how did people ever catch fish with LoRAn, old gold Penn's spooled with mono out of a measly 19'6" boat with a 2 stroke 100 hp at the crankshaft and nobody seems to be able to refute him or explain how any innovation in the past 25 years not related to safety is really all that important. Aside from epirbs you dont really need anything that hasnt been around for many many years already. Thank you GFS

The one reason GFS's security clearance remains active and un-checked here.. :D
Where would we be without him.....:rolleyes:

"Where would we be without him....."

Oh gosh, I'm not sure where to start. But I do know the picnic table manufacturers who produce sleeping quality tables would be out of business! :)

Thank you for the kind words.

I have always been of the belief that a $2,000 dollar Bogner ski suit does not a skier make.

Just watch my older brother. I prefer patched up old Levis and sharp edges.


I had just turned 12 when Papa came down in the basement.

What are you doing there sport?

I`m building a go cart Papa.

Where are the plans?

In my head Papa.

You can`t build anything without plans.

Why not Papa? I may only be twelve, but I can see how everything works in my head.

Well you just need plans. I give my plans to structural engineers so they
can evaluate the forces involved and sign off on them.

Could you bring an engineer home from work tomorrow?

Probably not sport.



As October moved into December Mom asked if I was ok.

Yes Mom, why do you ask?

You only asked for one thing for X mas.

Yes Mom, that`s all I want for X mas.

What is a Briggs and Stratton side winder engine?

It`s an engine for my go cart. Brown`s has two used ones. I want the white one please.


String for a throttle, steered with your feet, and no brakes.
I had more fun on that damn thing.

There may be more to this story...

Hehehehe

Prior to me building my go cart, my older brother and I had gotten a combined
birthday and Christmas present of a Sears mini bike.

Well, I did not get to ride it as much as I wanted and he was not a good rider at all.
One afternoon Papa asked him why he wouldn't let me ride it.

Brother Paul said I was too young and it was far too dangerous.
I`m quite sure he had Mom`s ear at every waking moment on this as well

Papa said let him ride it.
He looks a lot more comfortable on it than you do.
He slides it right around the trees wide open with mud flying everywhere.

It is dangerous Papa. I told you to get the Honda QA 50 like I asked you to.
It has no suspension and the brake is no good.

Papa said let me try it.

Well Papa took off at a blazing 25 mph and kept kicking the brake in the mud.
Eventually, he high sided and was covered in mud from head to toe.

Well Paul, the brake seems to work just fine.

Well then why did you crash?

I don`t ride as well as Sandy.

So my construction continued as I had planned to use the clutch set up from
our old reel lawnmower with a locked rear axle and the engine mounted in the middle
of the rear end. I only had hard tire wheels which I didn`t like.

Paper route money only goes so far.

Just before I had written my Xmas list Paul was riding down from the barn on the
dirt road and may have thought he would over run the house and end up on Rte 6A.
I did not see his right leg try to hit the brake.

I did watch him turn toward the house.
He hit the riser of the stairs going up to the back porch.
I watched in slo mo frame by frame as his ass came up off the seat.
Higher and higher.

I don't know if he went more than 45 degrees as I was laughing hysterically.
How he held on I will never know.

I ran over and looked at the mini bike.
The forks were bent and my mind started plotting.

I said Papa it would probably cost more to fix than it`s worth.
Paul said he could fix it.
Fish on.

Paul knew what I was thinking.

That March we moved to NH and 20 acres of woods with fire roads and a garage
under Papa`s office.

I had my very own little shop of horrors without those pesky plants.

Paul would not give up on the mini bike.
I had my eye on the wheels first.

I went to Philbricks lawnmower and found a bone yard.
They had some nice tires I wanted for the fronts.
The owner opened an account for me that I would pay every month
with my paper route money. They liked me and my crazy dream.

Paul knew what I was up to and denied me the 3 1/2 hp on the
still bent mini bike.

I stole the tires and clutch off the mini bike and bang it was done before he knew what
hit him on a Saturday afternoon with all present.

I hadn`t even cut the front axle down and had no cotter pins in yet either.
I wrapped packing tape around the axle.

Off I went.
Papa rode it next.
He laughed.
Paul did not want to ride.

My older sister did...........


Another chapter?

When you have time and inspiration I believe all will approve

Larry Collmus springs from his seat """their rocketing into the final stretch, it"s going to be a handclapper, Spidercrab holding on by 3 drops of gorilla glue just dropped the lead to Gofast by four wraps of Home Depot duct tape""-----------------------> and soooooo folks I'm glad Yadontknowjackshit & Mywifeknowseverything dragged ass on the first furlong !!!

Keep'em coming!

Oh hell yes GFS please keep them coming, HOWEVER please wait until at least my third cocktail, make that fourth cocktail before posting so I'll be able to fully comprehend! I'm a little slower than Spidy and need a head start.........thank you!

Happy to oblige Don.

I guess I`ll start at the beginning.

I think Reidy Clark built the first coaster in the neighborhood. Just a piece of plywood with 4
hard wheeled tires. Two by fours were used to hold and position the axles. We just bent pairs of opposing nails over the axles to hold them in place.

Mrs. Kelly owned Windsong. A beautiful property. The driveway went down hill off 6A and back up a steep hill to the house and past the knoll down to Barnstable harbor. I delivered her newspaper and asked if we could play with our coasters there.

She was a very sweet widow and said anytime you like.

It was an amazing layout. The drive up to the house split into 2 lanes on the right
which went down to the boat house. The left fork split into 3 lanes. We had 5 full lanes
to stage our races.

At first is was just about being clean and fast. Just a few of us. There were a few building
sites locally who kindly donated scraps of plywood and other goodies. Reidy`s dad owned
the local hardware store and soon he had lots of tots in his face asking for advice.

Well before long, there were maybe 10 different interpretations of our
Boogie Wagons. It was like being in the pits at a race. We all sized up each others
designs and decisions.

We were now filling all of the lanes and running down into the funnel.
Crashes occurred. Wonderful, multiple crashes. The coin had flipped.

We had gone to heaven.

The old plywood designs just got shredded.

Now we were seeing new H frame designs and perimeter frames still kindly donated
from local building sites.

It turned into a mini demo derby and we just could not stop laughing.
Up we went and down we went.
Each now looking for a specific target from the previous run.

Mrs. Kelly never said a word.

Thank you Mrs. Kelly.

"I think Reidy Clark built the first coaster in the neighborhood. Just a piece of plywood with 4
hard wheeled tires. Two by fours were used to hold and position the axles. We just bent pairs of opposing nails over the axles to hold them in place"

Three things I learned, of course at high down hill speed, 1. for a front "centering pin" in the steering's 2 x 4 axle you need more than just a 12d nail, 2. even though hard 1/2" copper tubing fit perfectly in the wagon wheels, with at least 6 nails bent over, it did not have the strength to handle the what we thought were massive G-forces we forced on it, 3. because of the design failures mentioned we also learned concrete does not feel a thing as you bust your butt!!

1/2 inch bolt and a wide washer.

Hard surfaces are not meant for violent contact.

In honor of the rebirth of CSC, I will veer off the road and into the ditch.
I had planned to follow the timeline, but sometimes you just have to ride
it out.

It was a Saturday after lunch. I had just put the 3 1/2 hp motah on my friend.
Papa, Mom and my older Sister Pif had come out to watch. My Sister was named Zeke for her first year of life.

Now, the lower driveway was paved down a short hill and ran out past my little shop
of horrors and turned to dirt. The dirt continued for about 150 feet and made a hard
90 degree left turn up to the fire roads and a neighbors right of way.

Papa said why don't you let your sister drive it.

Because she drives like %$#@

NO SWEARING.

She drives like crap.
Mom is afraid to get in the car with her and the last time you did,
you looked like a ghost. She ran the only red light in town.

Who told you that?

Mom did.

Let your sister drive it.

No, she`ll wreck it.

LET your sister drive it!

I don't want to.


Let her drive it. She has her drivers license.

Who gave it to her?

The state of NH.

Live free or die?

That`s not funny, LET your sister ride it!

Papa turned and bent over.

I always hated that.

Ok Pif.
Don't floor it.
You`ll never make the corner.
You don't know how to power slide.
There is a phone pole and cable straight ahead and a brook with woods to the left.

Papa is in front of me and to my right.
Pif to my left.
I walk around and in front of Papa, turn and give him my best
"thanks asshole" look.

I look down and see the string pull tight.
Wide open.

We watch as Pif goes faster.

I am having bad thoughts.
The engine is mounted on a new larger pad on the left.
Centrifigal clutch driving the #36 chain to the Sears tire.

Faster she goes and the choice arrives.

I thought she would try to make the corner.

I was wrong.

She bailed out into the field on the right.

I watched my poor friend flip over the left front tire.
Up in the air they went.
Spinning violently out of control in what had become slow motion in my vision.

We all ran over.

My friend was in pieces.

My sister got up, turned, and asked me if her sweater was dirty.

It was at this precise moment in my young life that I realized there were
some fundamental differences between boys and girls.

Papa put his large hand on my shoulder.
He squeezed it a good bit and said if you touch her, I`ll kill you.

I went back to my little shop.
I was power sliding by dusk.

Well where were we?

Pif stayed away from me for a few days.
A week later, she asked me if I wanted to ride her pony.

Can I run the only red light in town or is it too slow to kill all involved?

I will try my best to describe the look on her face.
Her lips pursed as if she had eaten a rotten lemon.
Her eyes retreated into their orbits.
Her brow furrowed and twitched.

That was my favorite part.
Her olive branch had turned to ash in an instant and she was concerned with the future.

That evening Papa asked me why I didn't want to ride her pony.

Hmmm, Sandy, slow down and think.
I had recently learned that daughters are graded on a curve and great
physical harm may come to those who ignore reason, no matter how
unreasonable this may seem.

Well Papa, my go cart is much faster, and I don't have to shovel shit before school.

Stop Swearing.

I see a trend here.

Just got done watching "junk yard gold" on the motor trend app/channel this weekend. It was pretty good but this here is real Gold, "Sand Man Gold"

Thanks Friz!

I have tons of memories flooding back to me.
It is proving to be a fun ride indeed.

Joey Chitwood.

I loved watching Joey and his stunt drivers.

A ramp is what I needed.
Yes, a big ramp.
So, I went into my little shop and looked at my lumber stash.
Again, kindly donated by local building sites.

How high should I make this?
These four scraps of plywood would make it just under five feet long
and give me about 18 inches of launch altitude.

Measure measure. Saw saw.
Swat swat. Bang bang.

Pee Wee had stopped by to see what I was up to and started laughing.
Pee Wee`s dad was the town Fire Chief. More on that later...

Pee Wee asked if he could ride around the field as I finished building.
I stopped for a minnow to watch Pee Wee ride. He took a corner a bit too tight
and got her up on two wheels for a decent time.

Hmmm.

Well the ramp was ready and we talked about what might happen.

Pee Wee said we need fire like Joey!!!
The hose was readied nearby the launch pad.
Gasoline was poured in front of the ramp.
Pee Wee did the honors and tossed the match.

I hit the ramp and up I went through the flames and bang.

The force of the landing ripped the rear axle from the sistered nails
as the chain locked up and broke.

I came to a grinding sideways halt.

I wasn't quite sure what I had done, but I knew I wanted to do it again.

Based on my observations, you see lots of things in your head, Sandy. Wouldn't be surprised if there were voices in there explaining the visions to you as well.



BTW, you should have asked mom for the Tecumseh engine. Much faster than the B&S. 40mph versus 25mph on my go kart with the same sprocket ratio. Damn, that brings back memories.

Dave

There is an entire alternate civilization in my head Dave, but you knew that already.
Brown`s only had the two engines.

The 3 1/2 was the Tecumseh from the mini bike that brother Paul had twisted.
I was always plotting and scheming.

Yepper those B&S we easier to come by, not as fast but easier and safer on my body! My Dad came home and found a bunch of tools we took out to the shed, pretty much told us if we touched his horizontal shaft Tecumseh off his prized hand tiller he would beat the crap out of us! He seemed really serious, I mean like really serious, we stuck with our wimpy old B&S. No bodily damage done!

Well, I brought what was left of the chain and my thoughts to Philbrick`s.

Philbrick`s was a lawn and garden shop that sold Ford tractors, Fisher plows,
Lawn mowers, and anything else you might need for your property.

I visited them on a regular schedule. I bought master links by the half dozen.
Chain links. Chains, recoil springs and even a centrifugal clutch in anticipation of my abuse.

Can you imagine a shop that would open an account for a twelve year old menace
with no ID in today`s world?
They offered and I agreed to pay at the end of the month.
No papers.
Nothing.
Not even a hand shake.



In back of the shop, they had a wonderful graveyard of tractors, riding lawn mowers,
snow blowers, tillers, chainsaws, and on and on. It was almost as big as the parking lot.

They also had catalogs. Big, huge, thick catalogs. I loved these. A Mercury 2 speed clutch? Hmmm.

I had thought of channeling the 2x4s with a chisel to accept the axles, but my skill
level with chisels was horrible.

Menace, you say?

Menace in training.

Well the smart money would have been learning about dado blades.

I had many more nails and the skill to bend them over an axle.

12 sets would be much stronger right?

The ramp came out again.

PeeWee brought Bobby over.
Bobby`s older brother had a Trail 90.

I would learn this later.

We wanted to get up on two wheels like Joey.
We talked about how to hit the ramp.

I went first.
Up and down.
Fail.

Peewee.
Same.

Bobby.
Same.

We talked some more.
Nobody wanted to hit it full speed on the light/right side.

We all jumped it a few times and nothing broke.

I kept thinking of Peewee turning her up.

This is hilarious. Please keep it up.

I'm juset beginning to understand Sandys world view.

"I'm juset beginning to understand Sandys world view"

Dang Conner I'm impressed!! Most of the time still way above my head.

Thanks Conner.

My initial thought while derailing the thread was to tell a few stories.

As I started writing, a giant flood of memories washed over my little head.

I hadn`t thought of these times, places, and many of the people involved for decades.

I`ll have to go back and edit some of the stories as I remember more details.

The number of stories is growing like those plants in my little shop of horrors.

I could not stop thinking about PeeWee`s foray in the field.

I wasn't riding much in the field any more as I had focused my attention on
the fire roads. We had 20 acres and many crossed our land. More on this later.

I gassed up for the afternoon and hit the field.

I knew that the handling was a bit tricky with engine mounted just in front
the drive tire but that was what was so fascinating.

A throttle cable just didn't work because you had to grip the plywood and 2x2
with your right hand and also hang on whilst leaning as hard as you could.

The circle started.
Tighter we went.
Lightness was felt.
Liftoff.
The perfect circle on two wheels.

I`m not sure how much longer I spent smiling, but it was a good afternoon indeed.

Before dinner I asked mom if Joey Chitwood called.

She said no, is he a friend of PeeWee`s?

When we first started all of this wonderful nonsense, it was just a few.
I used to glimpse Mrs. Kelly at a window now and then.

She was watching the fun.

Wonderful reading Sandy. You remind me of my little brother (9 years younger) 10 times smarter then me he could MacGyver just about anything. Whenever I get into a technical dilemma I still give him a call. Often he will come over and help me out. When he was a kid I could not tell you how many tools I lost because of him lol. Back then I would get mad at him all the time for taking my stuff...now I realize it was sort of an investment...one he has paid back many times over.....Looking forward to more of your childhood stories.

strick

Thanks Doc. I am enjoying the whole process.

I was the youngest and the first in the family to own a power tool.
Five books of S&H green stamps got me a two speed B&D 3/8 inch drill.
Avocado green.

Papa had lots of old school tools and many of his father`s in a cool old dovetailed chest.
After the first day of construction, Papa said you can`t use my good Craftsman saw.
Papa had duplicates of most of his hand tools and from that point on I was only allowed
to use the really crappy ones.

I was now cutting plywood with a rusty set of British molars.
I was not happy at all. I knew Reidy had a skill saw.
I asked him if I could borrow it.

The next morning at breakfast mom said I was not allowed to use power tools
as I was too young and they were far too dangerous.

Papa had no comment.

How did brother Paul get wind of this?
Paul was pitching Friday afternoon and Reidy came over.

We were done in no time flat and I learned how to use a skill saw.

Papa said I could not use his good hammers either, but I found a nice Plumb 20 oz. roofing hammer
at the bottom of the tool chest. Was it Gramps? I had never seen it before, but it was nice and also rusty.

The next morning at breakfast, Papa was upset.

Who gave you the circular saw?

Papa,I could cut the plywood faster with Mom`s emory board.
Reidy took pity on me and brought it over.

Papa knew I was lying, but I knew Reidy wouldn't rat me out.
It was an Eskimo stand off.
When hell freezes over.

I always made a point of asking Papa in front of Mom over the years
that I wanted the tool chest and nothing else in any wills.

Mom knew how much that meant to me.
Papa had his own little twist.

I finally inherited the tool box in `93. I emptied the contents remembering many hours
spent with these old works of art. At the bottom of the box was a surprise.

A black and gold tin box.

The contents were family heirlooms from our nation`s past wars.

A Minnie ball from the civil war?
30 and 50 cal round shot.
All had flat spots.
Gramp`s journal from his flight training in WWI.

My favorite entry is this.
Engine failure.
Forced landing.

Many of Papa`s goodies from WWII.
He flew right seat on Hell`s Angel.
A B24 outta Venosa, Italy Sept.44-April 45.

Then I saw a leather bomb squad patch.
Never sewn.
831st bs.
Disney studios did the artwork and many other squads were jealous.

http://www.americanairmuseum.com/unit/4071

Papa didn't trust Paul or Pif with these and he knew mom wouldn't throw the tool box away.

Some of my most treasured memories are in that box.

http://www.usmilitariaforum.com/foru...ment-squadron/

This will be anything but a non-stop flight.

Have a few mementos from my Uncle who spent WWII in the trenches in France ! Thank-you to all them that gave so much !!

Attachment 18362

Did Sandy Miss His True Calling?
 

Remember Ralphie putting his tongue on the frozen pole and the lamp
Shaped lika woman’z leg in Christmas Story? Followed by Ollie Hopnoodles Haven of Bliss (which I thought was even funnier) about preparations for the annual trip to the fishing shack. Jean Shepherd probably made a bundle off his boyhood stories. Get with it Sandy, the CSCers will buy a ticket!

Bones will portray Papa in the screen adaptation.

I liked GFS from the start. Not from his first comment. But because he likes the Grateful Dead.

Tyco.

Papa asked me if I wanted to join him for an early flight.
Yes please.

Well Papa, we are looking at a crosswind component of 37 degrees.

This plane is rated for 27.

Shut up.

So, we fall out of the sky.
Like a crab.
On Purpose.

Before I can stop laughing, he puts the throttle forward.
We go around again.

String for a throttle and no brakes.

This was not quite true.

You feathered the string and rolled your heels down slowly to rub speed off to slow down and stop.

I became Fred Flintstone for a bit.

My shoes all had a 45 degree slant of brake pad.

Bobby came over.

We`re having a BB gun war.

What happened?

The Strots tried to knock Jon And Tom`s tree house out of the tree and wrecked
the bridge over the brook. Do you have a BB gun?

No.

No?

I have a wrist rocket.

You have a wrist rocket?

Yup.

Go get it.

Here.

Bobby shot a few rocks.

This is great.

Pee Wee came by and said we are all meeting at John`s house.

We got there first and things were not pretty at all.
The Stern family was really angry.

Mark came by with Pee Wee`s older twin brothers. More kids joined.

We roped the bridge together enough for travel and went to their house.

The enemy knew we were coming, but we arrived with greater numbers and
cause.

I chose to fight behind a big pine tree.
The first time I peeked around to pick up a target, I got shot in the cheek.

I pulled back and dropped the older kid with a clean shot to the thigh.

One of the twins grabbed my wrist rocket, picked up a rock and aimed
at the plate glass window, which looked like it was in their kitchen.

It was.

Oh boy.

Their tree house is still being assaulted as the cops arrive.

They start trying to chase us through the mud back to our neighborhood.

Fat Ralphie is hot on Pee Wee`s ass.
Pee Wee falls.
Fat Ralphie falls,

Get up Pee Wee.
Run Pee Wee!

All of the families involved but ours were visited by the local constabulary.

Something to be said for being new in town?

We had just moved from Padanaram to Barnstable.

That`s really the name of a town.

Papa took me with him me to get his scrambled eggs. Silver.
That was the first time I had gone to a BX.

Papa was so proud.
They had tailors then who cared about how you looked.

Papa took us all up.

Pif came down mad and beating him about the chest.

Paul came down blue and upset.

I came down laughing.
Papa and I had an amazing unspoken understanding.

Later on he would drop odyc stickers my way.