I hear ya, I didn't know if it was a beater or if you were trying to put a nice finish like some guys do with the leafprint.
Spray bomb it up if you don't have a compressor and gun. They make urethane primer and urethane topcoats in spraybombs, they are superior to a regular old laquer spraybomb. They cost a little more than a can of krylon but it covers so much better, and it lays down with much less orange peel, and is much more resistant to everything. If it's a beater I wouldn't go crazy, clean it, scuff it, shoot it, done. When it starts to come apart just do it again.
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Thank goodness that in the scheme of things you are broke, powerlesss and inconsequential, because with the shortsighted alternatives and idealogy you have you'd be much worse than those you complain about.
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